Published on February 19th, 20140
10 things to do when stuck in traffic at Andheri
Why waste the ample time an Andheri traffic jam provides? Here are 10 ways to divert yourself as you wait.
by Andy Reghu | @thereghu on Twitter
Andheri station. The words spell ‘doom’ for anyone who drives a car. Some staunch defenders of Andheri may even eulogise about it and speak of it as if it is a stairway to heaven. For the rest of us who are not on heroin, however, Andheri is the ultimate traffic nightmare. There is no other place that makes time stand still (as still as your car and other vehicles, that is), makes your temper rise for no reason at all, and takes away hours, days and weeks from your life as you simply wait to move.
But why while away the time this wonderful place and its incessant traffic jams afford you? There are some fun things to do while you’re stuck in traffic. Like these:
1. Take a power nap for 30 minutes.
Rest assured you can take a longer nap as well, since the car in front of you would have moved exactly five inches in 30 minutes. Wake up, move five inches forward, close your eyes, repeat.
2. Leave your car in the traffic and walk to Andheri station.
There are some evil characters there who sell karela juice. Have a quick glassful, then walk back and find your car in exactly the same spot. The taste of karela juice will make you forget your traffic woes.
3. Keep a Chetan Bhagat book handy for days when traffic moves faster than usual.
Any C-Bag book will induce a soporific effect that should hold you in good stead for at least 15 minutes. Caution: Reading more than 10 pages will give you a coma – not recommended for light traffic zones.
4. Watch all the seasons of Two And A Half Men.
Or catch up on Mowgli or your favourite Salman Khan film.
5. Cuss steadily and increasingly at everybody you hate.
The wait will fuel your fury and there is a chance you may come up with a new cuss word that you can share on Facebook.
6. Finally catch up on some ‘me’ time.
Talk to yourself, have a conversation involving three people, file your nails, pick your nose, cut vegetables. The options are endless.
Start by staring at the traffic lights. Then stare at something else. Now smile like a maniac, make eye-contact with the next car’s driver. Repeat. I call this ‘light meditation’.
8. Talk to your ex.
This is the best time to fight because you are all charged up and wanting to sock people on the jaw.
9. Make reservations at your favourite fine dining restaurant.
Leave your car in traffic, have a three-course meal and head back. This way you get free valet parking, and you can come back and click selfies in the car.
10. Prepare for next day.
You’re just wasting time in traffic. Why not get ready for the next day? Floss your teeth, get off and take a dump, shave your face, tweeze your eyebrows…whatever works.
I also do aerobics and yoga in traffic, but I reserve these for special occasions, like a public holiday or a festival. What do you do when stuck in traffic at Andheri?
Andy Reghu claims to be a writer, a standup comic, a professor and a nuclear biologist.
(Featured image courtesy allthingscruise.com)