barfi! – The Metrognome

The Bollywood Razzies are here. In a year when Bollywood produced piles of rubbish, it’s tough to pick a winner.

by M | M@themetrognome.in

Have you heard of the The Ghanta and the Golden Kela? Before you call the moral police, let me clarify. These are the names of awards especially created for Bollywood. The Ghanta and Golden Kela Awards are the Indian counterparts of the Razzies (for Hollywood). Both the awards are independent and not related to each other. It doesn’t matter who gives them away or if the winners have the b**ls to collect them; what matters is that these awards symbolise the awakening of the janata and that Bollywood can no longer bullsh*t the audience without being b**chslapped in return.

The Ghanta Awards are in their third year and the Golden Kelas are a little older at five. Both are very popular on social media and they encourage users to vote online. 2012 was one of the most creatively-challenged years for Bollywood, hence there is plenty to trash this time. But before I cast my precious vote to elect the best of the worst, let’s review the various categories and nominees in each award.

Worst Actor 2012

Akshay Kumar is a clear winner with four straight flops: Housefull 2, Rowdy Rathore, Joker and Khiladi 786. Ajay Devgn comes a close second with Son of Sardaar and Bol Bachchan in both the Awards. Surprisingly, Salman Khan only features in The Ghanta Awards list for Ek Tha Tiger and Dabangg 2. Kat got your tongue, Golden Kela?

Worst Actress 2012

Sonakshi Sinha for Rowdy Rathore, Joker, Son of Sardaar and Dabangg 2; basically everything she did. Katrina Kaif, Deepika, Bipasha, Priyanka Chopra are the rest of the nominations. Everyone, except for Kareena Kapoor, has made it to the lists this year.

Worst Film 2012

Oh, this one is tough. There are just five options for the Ghantas and six for Golden Kelas in the worst films category, but they could very well expand their list to include more from the pile of garbage Bollywood produced last year. I like Golden Kela’s list better. They’ve got the crapfest full on with Housefull 2, Son of Sardaar, Khiladi 786, Dabangg 2, Jab Tak Hai Jaan and Joker. All these films were headache-inducting tortures that took away 80 minutes of the audience’s lives. The Ghantas have Student of the Year on its list, but I think the audience deserves a special award for having sat through this film and lived to tell the tale.

Worst Director 2012

Let’s give Shirish Kunder a lifetime pass for the Worst Director Award in both these awards, along with free home delivery. The Golden Kela has Arbaaz Khan vying for this spot for Dabangg 2. Maybe it’s time Arbaazbhai renounces the world and goes back to his planet. Whenever he does go, he should also take Vikram Bhatt (Raaz 3, Dangerous Ishq) along.

Worst Song 2012

Wikipedia should catalogue this into a series. Even this year, as always, Bollywood will make a generous contribution to this. A special volume should be dedicated to our nasal champion Himeshbhai. All the songs of Khiladi 786 have the magical quality of inducing violent behaviour, enough to start a prison riot. *chops own ears off*

Worst Sequel 2012

Jannat, Raaz, Jism, Housefull and Dabaang should jointly accept the award and officially STOP MAKING ANY MORE SEQUELS! The end has no end. The Dabaang prequel will haunt us soon. *shudder*

Both the awards have other unusual and interesting categories, such as:

Golden Kela Awards:

– Most Atrocious Lyric Awards. My pick is ‘Po Po Po’ from Son of Sardaar.

– Why Are You Still Trying Award – For people like Jackie Bhagnani. “Jackie, who?” you ask. Sigh, never mind.

– Baawra Ho Gaya Hai Kya Award – And the winner is, the Indian audience for spending money on a ride to hell and back with this slushpile.

and the Ghanta Awards:

– Worst Rip-Off/Remake – Barfi!

– Worst Couple – Abhishek Bachchan with anyone, even a log of wood.

– WTF Was That – That one time where you almost threw your shoes at the screen, then remembered you were wearing Osho chappals, so you just closed your eyes instead.

– That’s Anything But Sexy – Tough one again, but nothing can beat the awful dance steps in the ‘Cheeni’ song from Department. Unfortunately, it doesn’t feature on the list.

But are these awards really an eye-opener for for our filmmakers? Will they stop and think about the trash they are serving the audience? I don’t think so. Maybe we need some kind of penalty, where the audience is entitled to a refund for a bad film. This will surely make them behave themselves in future.

Voting for both the awards is now open. You can log on to http://theghantas.com/vote/login.php and http://goldenkela.com/voting/vote.php

Sharp as a tack and sitting on more hot scoops than she knows what to do with, M is a media professional with an eye on entertainment.

(Pictures courtesy galleryoneindia.in, wikimedia.org, hindi.way2movies.com)

The Bollywood Book Club

Bollywood has been a good adapter – so many of our films come from classics by foreign or Indian authors.

by M | M@themetrognome.in

Life of Pi releases later this week, and it looks good. This got me thinking, how many books-to-films success stories does Bollywood have? There are a few exceptions like Anurag Basu, who take a roundabout turn to inspiration – some portions of Barfi! were copied from the English film The Notebook, that was based on a novel of the same name by Nicholas Sparks.

Bollywood has largely been an early adapter. The first full-length feature film, Raja Harishchandra (1913) was adapted from the folklore and legends of the Ramayana and Mahabharata. Many have since then followed suit – Dil Diya Dard Liya (starring Dilip Kumar and Waheeda Rehman) was inspired by Emily Brönte’s classic Wuthering Heights. Dev Anand’s Tere Mere Sapne was based on The Citadel, a novel by AJ Cronin. Angoor, starring Sanjeev Kumar and Deven Verma, was based on Shakespeare’s The Comedy Of Errors.

And while there have been several instances where filmmakers have failed to give credit to the author or even announce that their film is based on a book, most recent filmmakers have honestly included the name of the author in the opening or closing credits of their films. They even do some PR around the film’s release. Sanjay Leela Bhansali did this for Saawariya (based on Fyodor Dostoevsky′s White Nights) and Vishal Bharadwaj for Maqbool, Omkara, and The Blue Umbrella; the former two are based on Shakespeare’s Macbeth and Othello respectively, and the latter is a short story by Ruskin Bond.

Many times, you will also feel that the book has been wasted on the film; cases in point are Aisha, a bad adaptation of Emma or The Namesake, a film by Mira Nair and a book by Jhumpa Lahiri. But these have been few and far between.

Here’s our list of the best adaptations of books in Bollywood:

Guide: The RK Narayan classic was adapted with little difference, save for the end theatrics, for the silver screen. Dev Anand and Waheeda Raheman were brilliant in the film.

Black Friday: Undoubtedly Anurag Kashyap’s best work till date. S Hussain Zaidi’s book captures the essential details of the 1993 Bombay bomb blasts, and the actors in the film relive the characters from the book. The soundtrack by Indian Ocean is a hit!

Devdas: Sarat Chandra Chatterjee’s masterpiece has been adapted to Hindi cinema four times over two centuries. The one to watch is Bimal Roy’s starring Dilip Kumar and Suchitra Sen.

Maqbool: Vishal Bhardwaj’s adaptation of Macbeth is very, very close to the original. The phenomenal cast of Pankaj Kapoor, Naseeruddin Shah, Om Puri and Tabu were all critically acclaimed for their performance.

Shatrang Ke Khiladi: Adapted from Munshi Premchand′s story of the same name; the list would not be complete without Satyajit Ray’s work of art. This film was a nominee for the Golden Bear for Best Film at the 28th Berlin International Film Festival.

Note to readers: Chetan Bhagat was deliberately not included in this list. Don’t make me say why.

M is a media professional with an eye on entertainment.

(Picture courtesy www.santabanta.com)