Categories
Watch

Aww, su**s!

We weren’t really big fans of this show to begin with, and Ashton Kutcher has only made things much worse.
by The Diarist | thediarist@themetrognome.in

Some people, like Katrina Kaif, should only be burdened with looking pretty. They should not be saddled with more taxing jobs, like acting, or having a screen presence. Take Ashton Kutcher, for example. The guy may be a genuinely nice human being. He may be kind to animals. He may be a hit with the women. He may even have a hot girlfriend like Mila Kunis, after a really hot wife like Demi Moore, who he cheated on.

But put Ashton Kutcher in front of a camera, and he sucks. He sucks right out of the room and into the next one. Expect him to act, and what’s more, fill  in the shoes of Charlie Sheen, and Ashton Kutcher makes a complete fool of himself.

We’re patiently plodded through Season 9 of Two And A Half Men (Star World at 11.30 pm), which necessitated the bumping off of don’t-know-how-to-zip-it Charlie Sheen, who had a panga with the show’s creator Chuck Lorre. So they killed off Charlie on the show and got Goofball Kutcher, who plays a billionaire suffering from ennui and constant rejection from his ex-wife, who he still loves. He moves into Charlie Harper’s home, lets Alan and Jake (and Berta) stay on, and we’re expected to just move on with the new addition to the cast.

Except, we can’t move on. Ashton Kutcher comes across as clunky, awkward, and a grown-up version of the character he played on That 70s Show (and he was good in it, too, no doubts about that). But there’s little else to talk about. He looks like a million bucks, gives off that bewildered vibe really well. But try as we might, we just can’t help but miss Charlie Sheen and how sharp he was on the show. We’ve sat through some really mediocre writing in some episodes of the earlier seasons, and that was possible because Mr Sheen was around. It is safe to say that this show actually worked because Charlie was there – now even Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones look better than Mr Kutcher. Even the writing seems to be circling the drain – most of the punches come from Berta, and the situations are just too contrived to be actually funny.

We’re switching channels on this one.

(Picture courtesy www.hotdvdcollection.com)

The Diarist is a TV show junkie. If you’ve come across a new show or have something to say about an existing one, write to thediarist@themetrognome.in.

Categories
Do

Get these apps for Diwali

Check out new apps for the festive season – some will help you cook, others will help you look nice.

Sweet’N’ Spicy Indian Video Recipes

Food & Drink – Free

Language: English

This app is a large collection of Indian Foods and Recipes with a total of over 4000 recipes and 400+ video recipes across Vegetarian, Non-Vegetarian and Vegan relishes. Use this easy recipe app this Diwali and be the star of the party.

Diwali Recipes

Food & Drink – Free

Language: English

A recipe app containing easy to make recipes for Diwali. This app describes the procedure to make traditional goodies like Karanji, Chakli, Besan Ladoo etc.

Curry Guide

Reference – Free

Language: English

The definitive curry guide for iOS. This app is a handy curry encyclopedia providing you with all the useful information you need for all curry types ranging from mid to extremely hot.

Party Planner!

Lifestyle -$0.99

Language: English

Party Planner! allows people to create party invitations on the fly. Invitations can include party name, theme, what to bring, what to wear, date and time, location on a map, photo and more. Select invitees from your address book or enter new ones.

Party Planning List

Lifestyle – $0.99 (Rs 52.95 approx)

Language: English

This app is all you need to ensure you don’t forget anything. Save hours of typing or noting down the list of things to do before your party. Avoid expensive mistakes and be stress free.

Hairstyle Reference

Lifestyle: Free

Language: English

The APP is one kind of helpful software to assist you to choose your hairstyle, which contains more than 30,000 popular hairstyle pictures, including Celebrity Hairstyles, Casual Hairstyles, Business Hairstyles, wedding hairstyles,Prom HairStyles,Trendy Hairstyles,Women’s hairstyles,Men’s hairstyles and so on. And it updates most stylish hairstyles every day! A great app to have this Diwali with the numerous parties to attend!

My Dala

Lifestyle – Free

Languages: English, Spanish

The very best deals and discounts in your neighborhood, city, country, just a swipe away from mydala.com, India’s first, finest and most trusted deals site. An ideal Diwali shopping idea for those who want to shop from the comfort of their homes. Gift a spa coupon, a romantic dinner for two, gadgets and more to your loved ones this Diwali.

Get in Shape: Effective diets & Workouts

Health & Fitness – Free

Language: English

65 diets that work and get you results and don’t starve you, Over 30 ready made gym workouts for men and women with photo, audio and video guides for every exercise and over 100 activities in the database, professional nutritionists will create individual food and workout plans according to your personal goals and preferences, articles and smart tips on nutrition, health and fitness all in a single app. It can also be used as a calorie counter without choosing and following a specific plan.

Detox Diet

Health & Fitness – $0.99 (Rs 52.95 approx)

Language: English

The Detox Diet App is a good source of information you need to be better educated about the various detox diets out there. If you’re in need of rejuvenation, the Detox Diet App is a great place to start!

 (Picture courtesy www.soulte.com)

Categories
Read

‘Some authors want everything right away’

Popular Prakashan’s Vinitha Ramchandani describes the author habits that drive her crazy. Plus, tips on pitching your book to publishers.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Popular Prakashan is 85 years old, and though better-known for its non-fiction offerings, the publishing house also delves into fiction and children’s books. We got its editor Vinitha Ramchandani to tell us several things – like the stories she is most likely to pick up, what she thinks about Chetan Bhagat’s style of writing, and what authors should and should not do.

Is there a thumb rule for selecting a manuscript for publishing?

At Popular Prakashan we do both non-fiction as well as fiction, and we get all kinds of manuscripts. For non-fiction, we look for depth in research, strong language and what the MS (manuscript) is trying to convey. When it comes to fiction, it is how well the story catches one’s attention. Anything that is absorbing, basically. Fact is, when a manuscript comes in to a publisher, anything that has bad language is a no-no, a total put off.

In recent times, especially after Chetan Bhagat came out with books that were completely Indian in sensibility, a lot of people have started writing books. What is your take on this trend, where every person with a story to tell is writing a book?

Chetan Bhagat made big money by selling large numbers. However we’ve had Indian authors who wrote with Indian sensibilities for ages now! Rabindranath Tagore, RK Narayan, Mukul Raj Anand, Khushwant Singh and Satyajit Ray are icons who wrote in English and for and about ordinary Indians. Contemporary greats like Salman Rushdie, Amitav Ghosh, Arundhati Roy, Kiran Nagarkar…the list is endless. It is a pity if all we can remember is Chetan Bhagat, who simply has mastered the technique of selling mediocre work.

Yes, everyone does have a story to tell, however not all tales get told. When you get into the world of book publishing, you will realise that the competition to get printed is tough. However blogging, self-publishing and e-books are becoming big and yes, if you are certain that this is what you want [to do], then there are more and more options that are opening up.

What are some common author habits that drive editors up the wall?

Authors who have one book that they do a year or two (of course, there are some who write more than three to four books a year) forget that publishers do more than one book, and that we have many authors who we deal with at the same time. The other thing that can be exasperating, is when an author travels to, say Hubli, to a tiny store there and calls us up demanding why they didn’t find their book there. The third is when authors constantly expect publishers to do PR work for their book through the year, year after year.

In your experience, has there been an author(s) who has been really difficult to work with? Why?

Oh yes! I’ve had a couple of authors who want everything they demand overnight or—better still—right away. These are the ones who are brand names. Then there was one who wrote a mail to me and copied the management on it, and something like that can really ruin an author-publisher relationship. Mostly though, I’ve worked with authors who are understanding and have been patient. Some of the brilliant social sciences authors are simple, look completely unassuming in their chappals and kurtas, carrying their MS in a cloth bag…one can’t help but feel humble in front of their work.

What should first-time authors bear in mind when sending manuscripts for evaluation?

One, send your manuscript with a good cover letter, which talks a bit about the work being sent and about the process of writing as well as the author. In today’s day and time, when there is so much advice that you can access online, it continues to amaze me that there are people who send manuscripts with one-line cover letters. Trust me, who you are, how old you are, and how you can sell yourself, all help to create a base before I even open and read the MS. Of course, a good MS is unbeatable, and no matter how curt you cover letter is, if you have a good MS then there is nothing to worry.

Two, research publishing houses. Find out what kinds of books each publishing house is inclined to do. Sending your adult fiction to a publishing house that prefers to do children’s fiction is self-defeating. Or, if it is short stories that you are writing, then look up and see which publishing house prefers to publish short stories.

Three, and I never did this but if I ever write again this is what I will do: (a) Send your MS to as many publishing houses as possible. (b) Make an excel sheet and jot down the place (publisher) you send your MS to, the person who you addressed it to, the date you sent it and if possible, the date in which you received an acknowledgment of their receipt of it. (c) Wait patiently for a month and then start sending reminders – polite ones.

Of the many famous writers based in Mumbai and writing on it, or taking inspiration from the city, who are your favourites?

Kiran Nagarkar is my favourite Mumbai-based writer. There are others too, like Suketu Mehta, Vikram Chandra, Salman Rushdie, Kiran Desai, Anil Dharkar, Upamanyu Chatterjee. All of them have powerful ways of telling a story.

In your opinion, who are the writers to watch out for in Mumbai?

Why stick to Mumbai? Writing should not have geographical boundaries. I think Siddharth Dhanvant Sanghvi is a novelist to watch out for. But I usually read children’s fiction and I love the work that a handful of Indian writers are coming out with, pan India.

(Featured picture courtesy www.selfpublishingreview.com)

 

Categories
Watch

Gana wala song

The hilarious spoof of ‘Ishqwala Love’ from SOTY has got over 3,300 likes already. Check it out.
by The Diarist | thediarist@themetrognome.in

We are frankly amazed by how many filmgoers actually dislike Karan Johar and his films. This is evidenced yet again by this spoof of Ishqwala Love, the sweet and slow number from the filmmaker’s latest offering, Student Of The Year, in which the creators of the video, The Viral Fever Videos, have gone to the extent of singing the track again, fitting in their own lyrics as per the situations in the song. The video is very popular on Youtube and has been liked over 3,000 times in just four days of going online.

The spoof is titled Gana wala song: the Q-tiyatic version, and has some hilarious rewritten lyrics. Check out the video here 

Sample some of the new lyrics:

Gana wala song

Shahrukh wala, foreign wala, budget wala song,

In phoolon se bhi halke, lyrics wala song,

Gana wala song…

A rather dismal-sounding male voice croons the song, and we suspect, the same voice has sung the female lines as well. The overall effect is extremely entertaining, to say the least.

Two thumbs up for creativity and coming out with a remixed version that looks and sounds really funny in the new context.

 (Picture courtesy: www.santabanta.com)

 

 

 

Categories
Do

Your mattress could be killing your back

Bad mattress giving you a painful and sore back? We list 10 tips to help you buy the perfect mattress.
By The Diarist | thediarist@themetrognome.in

Sulakshmi Reddy (22) moved to Mumbai from her parents’ home in Satara a year ago. Within weeks of arriving in the city, she developed a niggling back ache. “I thought it was because I was travelling by crowded trains and running about all day. Doctors just prescribed pain medication. I even took up yoga classes to get rid of the pain altogether,” she says. However, the pain showed no signs of abating – in fact, she would often wake up with a stiff back. “It would just get worse as the day progressed,” Sulakshmi says.

Then a physiotherapist zeroed in on her problem. “At my uncle’s place, where I was staying in Mumbai, I used to sleep on a cot with a very thin mattress. I could almost feel the iron body of the cot under the mattress. On the physiotherapist’s advice, I changed my sleeping place for a week, living with a friend who had a good, thick mattress on her bed. The back pain was noticeably reduced,” Sulakshmi remembers.

Poorly-designed mattresses account for back pain in several people. “People just don’t realise the importance of a good mattress. The mattress one uses should be firm, designed to align gently (not squishily) with the spine when one sleeps, and should be sturdy enough to not sag too soon,” says Dr Jayesh Garodia, orthopaedic surgeon. “However, it should not be so firm and sturdy that the person feels like he is sleeping on a flat board.”

Luckily enough, mattresses that are specially designed to combat stresses and pressures have also recently hit Indian markets. Says S K Malhotra, director, sales and marketing for Spring Fit, that has come out with the orthopedically-designed Ortholife mattress, “The high pressure of creating a work-life balance and long hours spent commuting often lead to muscular discomfort and chronic back ache. Using a moderately firm mattress adapts better to the concavities and convexities of the spine leading to better pressure distribution.”

But if you’re just looking for a simple spring mattress, you’ll have to know what goes into making it. Says G Shankar Ram, Joint Managing Director, Peps Industries Pvt Ltd., spring mattresses should have a high carbon spring steel base, cotton felt, foam and a quilted cover. “The base can be varied to make the mattress soft or firm. Cotton felt is put in to absorb excess loads and distribute them evenly. Foam contours itself to different body pressure points, and relaxes the body, while the quilted cover must look and feel attractive and comfortable,” he says.

Get the right mattress today:

G Shankar Ram’s 10 tips to remember when buying a mattress:

1. Purchase a good quality mattress. Research the brand you select – there should be no complaints of sagging or lumping.

2. Select a store that displays mattresses and lets you touch and feel the products.

3. Take your partner along for the purchase. Both of you should be comfortable with the same mattress.

4. Have a look at all the mattresses on display and educate yourself on the various types.

5. Do not feel shy or embarrassed about testing the mattress. Lie down on it and listen to the signals your body and mind give you about the different types of mattresses. Let your partner also lie down and give feedback.

6. Thickness is important. Measure the height of your bed from the floor. This will decide the thickness of mattress that you should buy. Remember that the mattress should be such that your feet touch the floor when you get off the bed.

7. A recommended height for your bed is a maximum of 14 inches from the ground.

8. Today, Indian mattress thicknesses range from four inches to six inches. Internationally, mattresses are about eight inches thick, and these contour with the body much better.

9. A normal mattress must be flipped from head to toe and reversed often. This extends the life of the mattress, ensures the manufacturer’s warranty and prevents early sagging. A luxurious mattress is one on which you sleep on only the top side. These must be rotated from head to toe every three months so that load points are changed and the foam can regain its dexterity.

10. Understand the dealer’s warranty before taking a call on your final purchase – take into account the type of use the mattress will be subjected to, the materials contained therein and what you expect from its use.

 

 

 

Categories
Read

Two Pants on fire

Business journalist Meghna and stand-up comic and humour writer Sorabh Pant are siblings and first-time authors. Any similarities end there.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Meghna and Sorabh Pant have been writing since childhood, and it was a happy coincidence that their debut novels were snapped up by the same publisher. Sorabh’s book was published first, and Meghna’s followed a few months later. The siblings were born just a year apart, and though they share so much in common, their approaches to writing and even answering interview questions were very different. In an e-mail interaction with The Metrognome, the duo traced their writing journeys and the creative processes backing their first books.

What inspired you to write your first book? Why this story? Is there an inspiration from real life?

Meghna: The longest I’ve ever lived away from India was from 2008 to 2010, and when I returned home to Mumbai it didn’t feel like home anymore. I almost felt betrayed because I’d been carrying this image of old India in my head as the ultimate truth, while the place had changed to an extent where my truth had become deviant. That was also a time when reverse immigration peaked and divorce became commonplace. There was a tectonic shift of the golden age from the US to India, and a raging debate about modernity versus traditionalism. I combined these triggers as the narrative for Amara Malhotra’s story in One & A Half Wife.

Sorabh: A combination of depression and curiousity, induced by working in TV for too long. Fortunately, I switched to stand-up and being an author, which has quelled all such tendencies. Also, it was a challenge to write a funny book about the world of death – I mean, who does that? Aside from every major religion.

What was the first story you ever wrote? How old were you and what was the story about?

Meghna: I wrote a short story called Aberration which explored love of an unusual kind and this was actually published by a website called freshlimesoda. I was only 19 at that time and absolutely thrilled.

I started writing seriously around five years back, though at that time it was only short stories. To improve my art, I took several writing courses in New York, and after a fair share of rejections, my short stories slowly began to be published in reputed US literary magazines. The idea for a full-length novel, One & A Half Wife, came only in 2009.

Sorabh: I started writing when I was about 11. I was a fat, nerdy kid and the only person who would talk to me would be a pen, so I wrote all sorts of nonsense – it was complete gibberish about owls and pigeons and dreams. I think I may have been a girl.

How did Meghna’s background (as a journalist) and Sorabh’s (as a stand-up comic) help in the writing of your first books?

Meghna: Fiction is a subjective field, all about emotions and experiences, while finance and journalism are objective fields, based on data and facts. Yet, journalism techniques have come in handy for me while creating stories. It has taught me to write economically, within the bounds of reason, while keeping in mind what is interesting to a reader, and to pay careful attention to what’s going on in the world around me. It’s easy as a writer to shut myself from the world, so being a journalist forces me to keep seeing what’s out there.

Sorabh: It’s shaped it considerably. It made it easier to find the funny in some pretty strange situations. I mean, making fun of Pythagoras and flying Elephants was a whole lot easier with the background. Though, after a point I had to pull it back a bit because instincts told me to almost shove in a joke every three seconds. Fortunately, a lot of them weren’t funny, so people thought I was being serious.

How long did you take to write your book?

Meghna: It took a year. I think seeing him (Sorabh) getting published gave me the impetus to also begin work on a full-length novel. I finished the novel a year later, in October 2010. Westland signed me on in January 2011.

Sorabh: Mine took eons. Close to five years. Mainly because it involved a hell of a lot of mental and physical research about what different mythologies and religions thought about death AND also because, I refused to cut down a lot of my content, little knowing it was coming in the way of the plot. The upside is the book is nice and erudite right now. The downside is that my climax is not exactly what I would have wished it to be.

If I hadn’t ended (writing before Meghna) first, it would have been a Chernobyl-like disaster. And, more embarrassing. Thoda reputation I had to hold up. I finished The Wednesday Soul about seven-eight months before her. And, just when I thought she would be off my back, the exact same publishers (Westland) accepted her book. These sisters are very persistent. Taking rakhi ka bandhan a bit far.

It’s interesting that both of you got published within months of each other, and both your manuscripts were snapped up by the same publisher. Can you explain how this happened?

Meghna: It was sheer coincidence. I sent my novel submission to a few publishers, including Westland. Prita Maitra from Westland was the first among all the publishers to respond to my submission, and since she was passionate about my novel, I went ahead with her.

Sorabh was signed by Westland before I even started writing One & A Half Wife. In fact, Westland did not know that we were brother and sister till much after they’d signed me on.

Sorabh: I got picked up by them first. Then they offered a buy one get one sister book free offer. Simple.

Coincidence. And, also they’re good publishers, and both books are good!

How did the two of you help each other during the writing process and after it?

Meghna: Since we write different genres and have different writing styles, there wasn’t much we could discuss in terms of plot, character building or the narrative. What we were able to share were technicals, such as sentence structure, pace and grammar usage. But it was on a personal level that we were really able to support one another. Writing is a solitary process and we gave each other the space and solitude to write.

Our novels came out within months of each other, and we have so much to talk about! Sorabh has been through the rigmaroles (before me) so I seek his advice on every little matter, and he’s very patient and supportive.

Sorabh: She helped me with a lot of editing, I helped her with a lot of backslapping and, “You go, girl” kind of nonsense. Also, since I experienced book launches and readings way before her, I could share my wisdom (read: mistakes) with her. It worked out well – her book is outselling mine. In retrospect, I wish she had been published first. HAHAHAHHA.

What is your parents’ feedback on your books?

Meghna: They loved it, but were very amazed that their children – born just a year apart –write so differently from one another.

Sorabh: My parents are both equally awesome. My mom has read both our books twice each and marked mistakes in plot and grammar with a pencil. My dad has read every newspaper since 1963, so he has little interest in novels but, he read both of ours. They said supportive things about both the novels, they’ve always been supportive. I think their feedback is similar to most readers – my book is more off kilter and insane, so it takes a little bit of concentration to read it, but, if you do – the pay-off is terrific. Mum said it was surprising that I had thought of this at the tender age of 27. But, she’s my mum – she’s legally obligated to think I’m a genius. Meghna’s book is easier to read and slicker. Our folks are awesome, we raised them well.

What are you working on currently?

Meghna: My collection of short stories is ready for publication. I am also in the early stages of writing my second full-length novel based in – and between – India and China. It’s a dark comedy that portrays a family’s greed, lust and power, in the wake of geopolitical tension.

Sorabh: I’m going nuts with stand-up. Currently travelling abroad and trying to get foreigners to notice my comedy, which is weird since few Indians in India noticed it! And, working on the second book – it’s going to be utterly kickass. Whatever I learned writing the first – positives and negatives –with a whole lot of madness. I think it may surprise a few people AND appeal to a hell of a lot more people.

 

 

Exit mobile version