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Deal with it

Training parents of children with autism

Most therapies centre around treating autistic children. This centre, the only one in Mumbai, trains parents to deal with autism.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

It’s a cosy space located very close to Khar railway station, and at first glance, the hustle and bustle doesn’t reveal much of what goes on behind its doors. Frankly, SAI Connections initially seems like any other place that would counsel and house autistic children for a few hours every day, much like other therapy centres located all over Mumbai.

Then you get the chance to meet the centre’s director, Kamini Lakhani, and once she starts talking about what the Centre does and how it imparts training to parents of children suffering from autism, you begin to realise how simple and powerful the idea behind the Centre really is. Kamini says, “If you train a parent [of an autistic child to deal with autism], you’re training them for life. That training stays with the family forever.”

She should know. She and her husband, Anil, started SAI (which stands for ‘Support for Autistic Individuals) in 2004 for deeply personal reasons. “My older child, Mohit (in pic on left, with Kamini), was diagnosed with autism when he was three years old,” Kamini remembers. “I was completely devastated. I looked for information online and everywhere else. Then I gathered all the material I had collected and I remember flinging it in the doctor’s face, asking him how it was possible that such a bright, beautiful three-year-old boy could have autism…” she says.

After the initial phase of denial came slow acceptance. The couple was living in South Korea at the time, and made several trips to the US to get better services for Mohit. During this time, they truly began to receive an education about autism. “In the course of 15 years, I studied and trained to be the best teacher I could be for my own son,” Kamini says. She went on to become a board-certified Associate Behaviour Analyst, certified by the BACB (Behavior Analyst Certification Board), USA in June 2005. Four years later, she completed her RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) and is the only BCABA and RDI Program certified consultant in India.

She started SAI Connections in 2004 after moving to India in 2002. “I realised there was an urgent need for a Centre that would help not just autistic children, but also impart training to parents on dealing with the disorder,” she says. “Unfortunately, I still find that most intervention for autism in India happens at the level of special education and speech therapy – treatment for mental retardation. “Most people, even educators, have not heard of RDI for autism. We need to spread awareness about it to help the millions of children and their parents in the country,” she says.

What is RDI?

Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) is the process that ‘corrects’ the ‘feedback’ between an autistic child and the parent. “In a developing relationship, there is a ‘feedback system’ between the child and his parents. But with an autistic child, there is a breakdown somewhere. The child does not give feedback, so the relationship is skewed. As RDI consultants, we are trained to assess where this breakdown is, see how the parent is behaving,” explains Kamini. “This goes to the core of the issue and helps in normalising the relationship. We change what the parent is doing. This changes what the child is doing. Hence, we actually bring about a co-regulation in behaviour.”

“The disorder is hardest on those who are closest to the child – the parents,” Kamini explains. “Unfortunately in India, there is not much awareness about the symptoms of autism. Even teachers in schools are unable to spot the symptoms. A child suffering from autism is normally branded as a hyperactive, troublesome child by both parents and teachers.” She adds that their inability to socialise appropriately, their non-understanding or inability to interpret social cues and the fact that most of them can’t fit in with peers, sets them up for bullying in social settings. “We need to train schools and parents everywhere. Fortunately, we are slowly seeing that schools in Mumbai are getting more open to the idea of training teachers and hosting sensitisation programmes to deal with autistic children,” she says. The training, she says, needs to focus on dealing with aggression, or a change in behaviour.

What SAI Connections does

The Centre is an activity space for autistic children with active participation from their parents, and stresses on RDI. “We train them in art, cooking, vocational skills. There is also physical activity, a time set aside for music,” Kamini explains. “We have 25 special educators, one cccupational therapist, one speech therapist, five teachers’ assistants and a group of dedicated volunteers.” Parents must mandatorily be a part of the activities – they are invited to attend, be a part of the sessions or simply sit and watch. The Centre ensures transparency in functioning by involving parents in every step of the process, and every room has CCTV cameras that keep watch on all parts of the Centre.

SAI Connections has also, since last year, started a training programme for potential educators in RDI; this is a certification programme lasting over a year. “We have already trained four individuals, and many more have enrolled,” she says, adding that the programme involves training, working with families and providing consultations under supervision from programme directors, at a cost of about 9,000 USD per year. Kamini also receives many queries for online sessions and has already imparted training to individuals in Bangalore and Delhi.

“Ultimately, only proper training will help in a deeper understanding of autism. The numbers of autistic children are staggering, and so many more are not diagnosed yet. The biggest mistake people make is to think that children in the autism spectrum lack something. They are hugely capable individuals and we must never give up on them,” she says.

Connect with Kamini Lakhani at SAI Connections & SAI Child Development Center, 201, 2nd Floor, Bhagya Ratan Niwas, above Prabhu Jewellers, 3rd road, Khar (W), Mumbai. Call 022 2605 0992/ 26050991/ +91 98203 14925. Email sai.connections@ymail.com/ saiconnections01@gmail.com.

(Pictures courtesy SAI Connections)

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Deal with it

Juhu to Girgaon in 10 minutes soon?

Intra-city seaplane flight between Juhu and Girgaon chowpatty was successfully tested very recently, while crucial clearances were obtained for operations.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

If this flight becomes operational soon, Mumbaikars are in for a really pleasant ride.

The city’s wait for intra-city seaplane flights between Juhu and Girgaum Chowpatty is soon coming to an end. The city witnessed a successful trial of the Juhu to Girgaum-Chowpatty flight on October 22, 2014. MEHAIR, along with Maharashtra Tourism Development Corporation (MTDC), has been working on the project for nearly two years and has already obtained crucial clearances from several authorities, including a nod from the Ministry of Defence, Coast Guard, Indian Navy, Mumbai Police, Urban Development Department, BMC, Mumbai Port Trust, Environment Department and the Airports Authority of India.

MEHAIR is already operating daily seaplane flights between Mumbai and Pawna Dam and has successfully conducted trial landings of its seaplane in Mula Dam (Meherabad/Shirdi) for which the commercial operations are being launched from early next month. The seaplane to be operational within Mumbai is the company’s Cessna 208A amphibian aircraft, which will take off from Juhu Aerodrome in Mumbai and touch down in Girgaum chowpatty about 10 minutes later. By road, the estimated travel time between the two points is approximately 1 hour and 30 minutes.

Speaking on the occasion, Siddharth Verma, co-founder and director, MEHAIR, said, “With the commercial launch of the service, Mumbai will become one of the few cities in the world that have a seaplane service originating in the heart of the business district. We are confident that the public at large will see the value of the service and take full advantage of it.”

He added that a seaplane offers the public the “last mile connectivity”. He said, “Essentially a seaplane service begins where normal airliners end, and therefore, offers connectivity from the last airport to areas even beyond which are remote but have suitable water bodies that can accomodate seaplane operations.”

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Deal with it

The charm of Sunday

As Monday ushers in a new week, we think fondly of Sunday and wonder how the day passed by so quickly.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Every Saturday, everyone at my workplace is tremendously excited, because the magical Sunday is to follow. Since it allows one to rest and eat whatever they want and generally have a good time, Sunday is everybody’s favorite day of the week.

Sure, there are other holidays. Many corporate offices have now adopted a five-day week. But Sunday is still pretty special.

There are no alarm clocks on a Sunday. Most of us wake up late after lounging in bed for as long as possible. There are no rules on a Sunday, for both adults and children. Most of us watch a lot of TV, order our meals from the local restaurant, and some of us go spend the day out shopping and watching movies with our families.

Sunday is also a day of cleaning for most Mumbaikars, whose homes resemble godowns and dumping grounds on other days of the week. With Diwali coming up this week, I am sure many people spent their Sundays cleaning up their homes. Sunday cleaning involves sprucing up the house, arranging everything in its right place and making sure the house looks inviting. And though I often complain that cleaning up the house eats by most of my Sunday, I find that it is a great stress buster, too. I normally follow this up with shopping for groceries at the market.

It seems to me that we actually put in more work on Sunday. So how is this a holiday? I believe it helps us relieve our anxieties building up over the week, because we tie up a lot of loose ends on a Sunday. Completing pending tasks gives a sense of satisfaction.

Sunday is also a day to catch up with people we tend to neglect during the week – our parents, relatives who live far away, friends we no longer have regular time for. Of course, with Whatsapp we are constantly in touch with everyone, so you could say Sunday is a good day to take a break from our phones.

Since most women are home on a Sunday, their domestic help must feel resentful under their mistresses’ watchful eyes. No wonder my maid usually turns up late to work on Sundays and Sunday mealsdisappears quickly. She sometimes get back at me by not turning up at all, which is nothing short of a disaster.

I also invest Sundays in catching up with myself. I finally get the time to take a long look at myself in the mirror. I get the time to visit the beauty parlour, get my nails done, get a hot oil head massage. Then I traipse home and have a long and luxurious bath. Besides, and I am sure I speak for most working women in Mumbai, the best thing about Sunday is the break from cooking.

For many children, Sunday ends on a horrible note as they may have forgotten to do their homework or put their school uniforms in the wash, or something equally disastrous. I think Monday blues hit school children before they hit the rest of us. For grownups, I think the blues set in as they set their alarm clocks for Monday morning.

And as the new week begins, we sigh to ourselves – oh, I can’t wait for Sunday…

(Pictures courtesy lilpleasuresoflife.files.wordpress.com, indianexpress.com)

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Ravan in the fast lane

Our traditions are fading in the face of our own hazy recollection of them. What do we teach our children?
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The festive season is well and truly upon us, and while basking in it, I decided it was high time I helped my son brush up on his cultural knowledge.

Thanks to Shahrukh Khan, my child knows about Ravan, though he hasn’t heard of Ravan from the Ramayana. Realising that he had learnt a different version of Ravan prompted me, like many other moms, to attempt to undo the damage by telling him about the characters of our great ancient epics.

But I slowly realised that the road to enlightenment was full of hurdles. For one, I myself remembered only a very sketchy outline of the Ramayana. It really shook me up, and all my claims of being connected to my culture now lay about me in tatters. After a few days of heavy thinking, I managed to put my jumbled version into the right pieces, but I was still far from the real picture.

After this fiasco, I did not have the courage to attempt the retelling of the Mahabharata, which is even more complex than the Ramayana with its vastness and unending series of characters.

How did this happen? Have our lifestyles really started to take a toll on our traditions and cultures, which are slowly fading away without us even realising it? Even when we understand that we are doing very less to preserve our culture, we shrug off responsibility and excuse ourselves in the pretext of modernisation, liberated thoughts, paucity of time and daily stresses.

After becoming a parent I realised that I would impart the same ethics and sow seeds of all the beliefs and traditions which, once upon a time, I had resented as a child. Don’t we all try to mirror theTeaching our children our traditions parenting styles of our parents, and try to inculcate the same values in our children? Sure, all our parents’ values never become a part of our personalities, but we remember all of them and try to pass them on to the next generations. We may never have actively participated in trying to keep our culture alive, but when it comes to our children, we want our children to adopt our culture in its entirety.

Dussera reminds me of my sweet childhood, when listening to our epics during story sessions with parents and grandparents were one of our biggest pastimes. Children today are smart enough to tell you that they know that Santa Claus doesn’t actually come to their house on Christmas eve and their parents buy the gifts. As children, even we knew this about Santa Claus, but we were so rapt in our fairytale worlds that we willingly ignored what our minds cautioned us. We have grown up calling a sleepyhead ‘Kumbhakaran’ or a witty person ‘Birbal’. But our children have never heard of these hallowed personalities, which is the biggest tragedy of their lives.

Whatever age you are, the sight of the burning Ravan effigy with firecrackers exploding in the background never fails to enchant us and remind us that good always wins over evil. We try to teach our children about the many evils they will encounter, while also quietly reminding ourselves that we too, will slay the Ravans in our lives.

It is definitely not an easy task in Mumbai to go see the burning Ravan. The Mumbai gardi discourages us. So we content ourselves by going to malls and eating out. And while all that is good, does this mean that the future generations will never get a taste of what we experienced in our childhood?

A popular management saying goes, ‘Don’t tell us the problem, tell us the solution’. For starters, we could organise our own Ravan burning in our building societies. Involve the children to make Ravan and his brothers’ cutouts and collectively burn them. Plan to make it a community function. Have some sessions where an elder recounts our traditions and the stories behind them. Plan it the way you want, just don’t let the festival pass you by as just another holiday.

I think we owe this to our future generations. Do you?

(Pictures courtesy www.postmygreetings.com, www.princessliya.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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Combating ‘people stress’ at the workplace

More than our work, our workplace colleagues add to most of the stress in office. Here’s how you combat the pressure.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The other day I was teaching Mc Gregor’s theory X and Y, which states two completely alternative explanations of how people work. One school of thought says people don’t want to work and only work when under coercion, threatened with punishments or shown incentives. It also states that usually, people shun responsibility and only seek security in a job. The other theory states that people not only look forward to but also assume responsibility towards tasks they feel intrinsically motivated to do. So people are not lazy but they need to feel happy about doing something and if that happens, then they do wonders.

Don’t we all follow both these theories at our workplace? Likewise, we also see people of both kinds in our offices. Sometimes we start off by completely following Theory Y, but somewhere down the line, systems at work bug us and slowly we start responding to the system by underperforming or minimally performing. Come to think of it, what is the biggest issue we have at work place that bothers us the most? The job profile, the nature of job as well as other conditions associated with our work, remuneration, duration and travelling time to offices (the biggest problem of Mumbaikars) are all potent factors for both satisfaction, and largely, dissatisfaction. But if we have to name the most threatening factor that really robs us our peace of mind is the PEOPLE at our work place.

The toughest challenge is in the form of human beings – these could be colleagues, supervisors, managers and higher apex authorities. How difficult it gets at times to manage working with people! Ego hassles, dominance, personality differences, moods, feelings, ambitions, self esteem, power displays – all characterise in varying forms the people we work with. We meet all types of people in our work environments and HR principles tell us that we need to have harmonious relations with all of them.

That, of course, is easier said than done.

So what kinds of people do we see at the work place?

The giants. These are people who mostly know everything and are overpowering. They are the ones who maximally use insults, threats to get work done and are basically the ‘terrors’ in our lives.

Bullies. They use all the aggression at their disposal to make you slog.

The pessimistic ones. Whatever you do, they always fail to see the silver lining. Full of negativity and cynicism, they complain about anything and everything.Stressful colleagues

The keeping-tabs-on-you types. These people account for your every move and their eyes follow you everywhere.

The ‘goody two shoes’ types. These are silent, nice and always around to help, but sometimes their sheer lack of ambition and being too good rubs us the wrong way.

The victims. These people always feel the grass is greener on your side.

The super workers. They have an OCD which makes them work all the time. Their meticulous nature makes the others feel inferior.

The gossipers. These people keep changing sides and let you down when you trust them with your secrets.

The quiet but shrewd types. These willmanipulate people without anyone knowing.

The dependent ones. Thesepeople are extra friendly but always indecisive about everything, and load you with all their work, too.

These are just a few as we meet many more types at work.  At times people become so difficult that no matter how hard you try, they somehow manage to draw out the worst in you. At times we confront them openly, and at other times we wage silent mind wars against them. Most of these conflicts leave us feeling sick.

In places like Mumbai, where daily life itself is a constant source of stress, workplace pressures definitely take a big toll on us. All our meditation and yoga goes out the window in the face of dealing with ‘people pressure’. So what do we do? Definitely to change people and situations is not always in our hand and experts tell us that change yourself and you will be happy. Tune to let nothing bother you and take everything in a positive stride. Phew but only if we could do it.

So what does one do?

Workplace stressFight it out. But ensure that you can handle the repercussions. Also, your fighting response is a reflection of discomfort and mental anxiety, so you might want to address these first.

Talk it out with people. You will find that sometimes, gossip eases mental tensions.

Hope that the person(s) bothering you disappears. If they don’t, take a break from your desk and vanish for a while with a cup of tea or coffee.

In times of stress, try and summon happy memories. If you have trouble with this, browse pictures of friends and family for a few calming moments.

Be firm when dealing with the source of your stress. It is not worth it if the pressure makes you sick or anxious all the time.

Keep reminding yourself that this too, shall pass.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Pictures courtesy worksmartlivesmart.com, www.rediff.com, work.chron.com) 

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Deal with it

The not-so-Aha! moments in the lives of working mothers

Many mothers in Mumbai go to work. But is it better to have a job than be a stay-at-home mom?
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

I never thought Murphy’s Law would invade my life so frequently. For the uninitiated, the Law states that ‘Anything that can go wrong will go wrong’.

Hold that thought.

So the other day, as I went home after a tiring week, looking forward to two days of blissful break from office work, Murphy’s Law came back to haunt me even before I got home. My son was down with fever, and the atmosphere at home was somber and silent. Just as I was playing nurse to my ill child, my little baby asked me the question I had been dreading for very long:

“Why do you go to office? Amit’s mom doesn’t go to office, she takes care of him.”

Aghast at having to finally face the ‘Why do you go to work when other mommies don’t?” question, I tried to give him some plausible reasons, like ‘we need the money’, etc. He wasn’t satisfied, and said he wanted to see me at home when he returned from school. I told him that if I was there, I would make him study and he wouldn’t get too watch TV.

To which my little man said, “It’s okay if I don’t get to watch TV, I just want you around.”

It broke my heart to hear him say this. And it made me think a lot, too.

The reality of being a working mother in this busy metropolis hits hard when there are family emergencies and you are stuck between your home and your workplace. At that point, most working motherworking women would wish they were at home with their kids and family. There are times when working mothers like me get envious of the mothers who are home.

Suddenly, the lives of these stay-at-home moms seem picture perfect, while ours seem to be chaotic. Their houses sparkle, everything follows a system, their houses smell of aromatic cooking and they look relaxed all the time. These moms do the things we don’t have the time for; they do yoga and go for walks. They have the time to bargain at the local vegetable shop. They know what their children are up to all the time, and the children always finish their homework.

In comparison, our lives are an eternal cycle of chaos and mess. I try hard, but something is always amiss. I could forget to send the decorative material my boy’s school wanted, or not be able to keep up with his studies. On other days, I make some bland food and rush out the door, and at times my house is a mess. I often come home with my tired body crying out for bed.

But this happens to all mothers, working or not. The ‘working woman’ tag implies women who go to work outside their homes. But does that mean that women who stay at home are idle? I wouldn’t be too thrilled if my workplace was confined to the walls of my home. I have been a stay-at-home mother and then I went back to work, and I find both roles equally challenging. In fact, the housewives have it harder – I have seen many men introduce their wives as, “She stays at home.” What a crude way to describe the woman’s contribution to the home and its peaceful existence!

working woman 1If we analyse the psychology of stay-at-home mothers, we realise that they feel lost and find life less challenging when they are not given the credit due to them for all the hard work they put in for others – often, without any thanks. Their self esteem diminishes. We see such women socialising frequently, and we unthinkingly criticise them, saying, “Oh, but these women have nothing else to do!” What makes us working women feel that our stay-at-home counterparts are not entitled to their share of socialization?

In the end, the grass always appears greener on the other side. So many housewives wish they went out to work, so many working women want to give it all up and be at home. But would either of these women trade lives? Whichever side we pick, it’s not easy to live with it, but it’s not that tough, either. Not if we realise that life is beautiful at home or outside.

(Pictures courtesy news.nationalpost.com, www.naaree.com. Pictures are used for representational purpose only)

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