Patrakar types – Page 3 – The Metrognome

Do those who condemn the media’s standards really know what their own expectations of the media are?

by Vrushali Lad | vrushali@themetrognome.in

In a train to Churchgate recently, gaggles of giggly collegians on every side were mighty excited about the fact that a senior and her two friends had been featured in the entertainment supplement of a daily newspaper. Both groups tore away the main newspaper and made a grab for the supplement inside it, which they pored over as if studying for their exams. When one group got up to alight at Dadar, the newspaper lay forgotten on the seat, while the supplement was still being tossed about.

Meanwhile, a portly uncle in the gents’ first class compartment was reading the Shiv Sena mouthpiece Saamna. Half of the front page carried an ad of some sort, while the other half had news of national and city interest, all content similar to any other newspaper that day. Two young men seated opposite him scanned the headlines before declaring, “Main yeh bakwaas paper kabhi nahin padhta.”

If a survey were to be conducted, we would find that one of every two newspaper readers thinks The Times of India is a yellow, crappy piece of paid-for newspaper that is shitty beyond words. Both these people surveyed would be The Times of India readers. When asked what they found crappy, the answer invariably is, “What nonsense news they publish, yaar!” No details are ever given, but yet, on Twitter, TOI headlines are routinely tweeted and retweeted.

A leading daily newspaper in the city, (not The TOI) routinely rehashes its own stories and publishes them in a pretty form. Readers can never tell the difference.

Only one daily broadsheet in Mumbai publishes pocket cartoons even on Sundays, when the usual norm is to have a large editorial cartoon on the edit or Op-ed page. It also carries the editorial cartoon. Five marks for knowing which newspaper this is.

Readers routinely diss the media for pandering to advertising. Then most of them participate in contests run by those media and those same advertisers, and rejoice when they win prizes.

Judging from most readers’ responses to news content, all politicians are thieves, Mahesh Bhatt is a slimeball, Aamir Khan is a better actor than Shahrukh Khan and Priyanka Chopra’s debut music album is doomed before it releases. Similarly, all heritage structures in the city are to be wrapped in cotton and preserved for eternity (“It is our history, after all”), those bowing to union leader Sharad Rao’s wishes receive ‘cuts’ from him, and the Ganesh celebrations were very really noisy, particularly this year.

Readers often start slanging matches with each other on online forums when somebody has the nerve to have an opinion contrary to theirs.

Lastly, this column was written by a pro-Congress, paid writer who has never done an honest day’s work in her life. All journalists are like that – they write false news, they take bribes from everybody, and they are heartless, microphone-carrying robots. I tell you, nothing good will happen in our country if this media is there.

Vrushali Lad is a freelance reporter who has spent several years pitching story ideas to reluctant editors. Once, she even got hired while doing so.

Most people commenting on online content should not be allowed anywhere near the Internet even if it’s their dying wish.

by Vrushali Lad

Look, I’m all for freedom of speech. Much like I am all for power naps, provided the nap doesn’t span a period of four hours on a day when I have the choice to either hand in that news report or die.

Freedom of speech is great. It’s wonderful. Heck, who doesn’t want to say exactly what they want, without fear of being bunged into jail wearing long hair and black kurtas, shouting slogans for the news cameras? I, for one, am the absolute master of saying what I want, when I want. If I am on the treadmill next to yours and you’re ponging of several ripe guavas, I will make a face and pointedly use another treadmill. If you ask my honest opinion on a piece you’ve written and it, well, sucks, I won’t say it sucks, but I will say that it could do with not being published at all.

And I’m completely okay with you making a face and pointedly using another treadmill if I’m ponging of ripe guavas.

The problem starts when you give me unasked-for advice. The problem gets bigger when you shout out that advice on a public forum, and make specific references to my other job as a hooker (when I’m not pimping stuff through my articles, that is), my genitals, my complete lack of ethics as a reporter (‘These media people are all paid bastards!’), my choice of profession (‘Who made this bitch a journalist? These media people are all paid bastards!) and so on. It gets worse if the story is about the Congress party, even if you’ve written a completely neutral story about Rahul Gandhi’s recent visit to Mumbai.

As to this last, the headline the editors gave the story was a rather unfortunate one. Describing Rahul’s Mumbai visit as an effort to get demoralised Congress grassroots workers together as ‘Rahul digs deep to revive Congress in Maharashtra’ (or some such. They later changed the headline and deleted the offending comments) was a most unfortunate choice of words, both for Rahul and me. Before the website flagged down the offensive comments, several smartasses had referred to how deep Rahul had dug to get this particular reporter to write about him. And that was just the usual tone of the comments posted.

The worst was when I interviewed ACP Vasant Dhoble (he of the hockey stick fame), and expectedly, the story was commented on a lot. However, several of the comments, which showed an astounding faith in Dhoble’s style of functioning (‘Corrupt, sleazy Mumbai needs this kind of brave cop!’), ganged up on me in the worst way possible. Sample some of the feedback directed at me:

‘This Vrushali is sick and needs to be rescued’.

‘This journalist has written this article she is a prostitute whose dhanda is affected by the actions of this zealous and noble officer.’

‘These media people are angry because they go to drink and do sleazy activities after work, and now Mr Dhoble has stopped it. I salute you sir!’

‘Why this Vrushali Lad has written this article? What is her problem? Her parents did not teach her any morals, that she has to write all this nonsense about an upright officer who is doing his job.’

And to think, the interview itself was neutral to the point of being sterile. This time, I yelled at my editor and they had all the comments screened and the worst ones removed.

No, I love feedback, I really do. It gives my work a sense of validation. I like it when readers write to say that they found a particular story lacking in depth, or if they have a new angle to suggest. It helps me write better, and keeps me from becoming complacent.

No, I hate it if you’re going to sit on the other side of my computer screen, one hand typing and the other in your pants, as you come to your own profanities while you imagine me to be your worst/most desirable idea of sleaze in a skirt. I know, when you’re writing off my morals and my character and my upbringing and my ethics, that you’re wondering just how to get into my pants. Worse, when you’re actually accusing me of being an idiot who writes articles for the Congress after sleeping with Rahul Gandhi and taking money from him, your pea-sized brain is busily conjuring up images of a Casanova-style Rahul Gandhi in a roomful of paid women journalists, and nobody’s wearing anything.

I notice that these trolls restrict themselves to talking only about brain size when they’re abusing male journalists.

Dear abusers, most of you are idiots. Most of you are incapable of stringing two words together. Most of you learnt your spellings from the SMSes you send and receive, lolz. Most of you are prize losers with miniscule dicks that need constant validation by targeting people on the Internet. Most of you are furious that you are not getting any, that you only have the Facebook profiles of unsuspecting women to come to. Most of you are so terrified of actual bodily harm that the only time you’ll ever shout abuse at anyone is through a comment thread, and even then, you’ll sign in as Salman Khan.

And most of you, firmly believing that any writing about the Congress party is paid/financed by the Congress/published after several sexual favours by Rahul Gandhi, are vile monkeys who have not had a coherent opinion since the beginning of time. You, particularly, should be locked together in a room and made to watch Manmohan Singh speeches for a year.

You choose the Internet to be blunt and funny. How safe and macho you must feel, hiding in your closet and gleefully typing out all the expletives you learnt from your father. How knowledgeable, how profound your observations must sound to you, as deep as your knowledge is about the workings of the media and its lack of ethics. How closely you must have watched us journos go about our business, how skilfully you must’ve stalked us, if you know that we work only in exchange for money from politicians and make a living off kissing ass.

Yes, I love freedom of speech, and I use it within bounds. I disagree with the message, not its creator. But you, despicable waste of space that you are, even now you’re typing, ‘This Vrushali is a bitch with loose morals.’

Vrushali Lad was a freelance reporter who spent several years pitching story ideas to reluctant editors. Once, she even got hired while doing so. She can be contacted at vrushali@themetrognome.in.