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Why I was happy when my mother married again

Deep Shrivastava’s mother, Anuja, was widowed at a very young age. Today, she is married and lives in the UK.
As told to Reyna Mathur

My mother is the picture of happiness today – she has good health, a loving husband, a close circle of friends. At 66, she is doing all the things she never had the time or money for earlier. She travels, has a reading club, goes to the park for Tai Chi, even takes a baking class for the neighbourhood children.

This is not the story of a retired woman finally finding the time to enjoy her life. My mother, Anuja, got married for the second time five years ago. Her husband, Prashant, is settled in the UK and runs a small restaurant near their home. I lost my own father, Sushil, when I was about five years old. He had a heart attack on his way back from work one day and died in the train before he could get help. My mother was left to look after me, without an income and no skills that could get her a job.

It is safe to say that my childhood passed in relative poverty. My parents had not saved up too much money, and the expenses were mounting up. I remember seeing very little of my mother in those days…always a great cook, she would take catering orders for parties and weddings. She was always out of the house, even on Sundays, when other mothers would be at home with their kids. I was mostly brought up by my grandparents while my mother worked all the time. If she didn’t have orders, she would take home cooking classes.

I have seen her struggle to raise me, never once refusing to buy me something I wanted even when she had little money. She gave me a great education, a good life at home, even started saving up for my wedding…but she was unhappy. She rarely smiled – I used to think it was because she was tired from working all the time. But it was something else. I realised my mother was in love…

She met Prashant when she was catering for his nephew’s engagement party. They were instantly drawn to each other – he had never married and was not looking for a relationship. Neither was she, because she had a son at home and a house that needed her. But there were sparks, and for the two weeks he was in India, they would meet every day.

I had just started working at the time. My grandfather had already told me about the situation. It turned out that Prashant did not want to be married, and she was keen on marriage. I convinced my grandpa to call him home. It was the sweetest thing watching my mother bring her boyfriend home to meet her parents! I don’t know what my grandparents said to him, but two months later, Prashant proposed to my mother and she accepted.

I had kept a cheerful face throughout and participated with gusto during the wedding ceremony in Mumbai. But as she walked through the gates at the airport to fly to her new home, the tears started to fall down my face. My mother, my saviour, my hero…she was finally about to discover happiness after working all her life for me. As she turned back for a last look, I saw that she was crying too…and then she smiled through her tears.

Deep Shrivastava is a chartered accountant based in Pune. ‘Grey Space’ is a weekly column on senior citizen issues. If you have an anecdote or legal information, or anything you feel is useful to senior citizens, caregives and the society at large, feel free to get it published in this space. Write to editor@themetrognome.in or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Themetrognome.in and we will publish your account.

(Picture courtesy silverinnings.blogspot.com. Image used for representational purpose only)

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Deal with it

How to be a good colleague

Being a good colleague at office has a positive effect on everyone around you, and by extension, the higher ups.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

We have all experienced the effects of obnoxious colleagues. They are rude, brash, uncivilised, miserly and rarely say a good word about anyone. In contrast, we also hold a special place in our hearts for those who are the exact opposite – sincere, affectionate, humorous, and compassionate. Everybody wants to have a good office colleague who can, in time, even become a good friend. But how many of us are able to achieve this level of ‘goodness’?

It is not that difficult to be a good office colleague; fundamentally, it is possible only if you are a decent human being to be a decent colleague, or else you will just come off as insincere and pretentious. Here’s how you start:

Be a team player. We are all employed to do a certain job and earn our salaries. However, it doesn’t help to be so rigid in our thinking at work. We must certainly finish our daily tasks first, but isn’t it nice if somebody asks if we need help when we are lagging behind? Be sincere in offering assistance or taking on someone’s workload if you have finished your own work and have time to kill. If nothing else, help a team that is racing to finish work against a deadline by getting them coffee and snacks at their desks so that they don’t have to interrupt their work. It is nice to help others without an ulterior motive – it puts you in a good frame of mind and your colleagues will love you for being supportive in times of need.

Be generous with your time and resources. Nobody likes a stingy colleague, who doesn’t contribute money for a common cause (such as helping out a colleague who has met with an accident or to get a present for somebody). People also hate those who never pitch in to buy the occasional treat for the office, but who line up to partake of the feast. If you are unable to contribute money for some reason, contribute your time. Volunteer to put up the decorations, or write out messages, or coordinate a small party. The key is to become a part of the team, not remain aloof.

Don’t claim credit for a team project. It may happen that you pitched an idea or gave an input that ultimately helped a project get on the right track. When the project finally succeeds, you should never remind anyone that it was your good idea that helped the process. Be modest when others compliment you on your talent and skills, but don’t jump in and agree with what the others say. The less you say about your own achievements, the more people will appreciate you for your modesty.

Plan new things for the group to do. We all lead very stressed lives, with most of us spending a majority of our waking hours in the office. In this situation, it is very important for each of us de-stress. If not daily, there should at least be a weekly activity that helps the office relax and laugh. If the office doesn’t follow a policy of regular team lunches or movie outings, initiate an activity that everybody will appreciate. Plan a film outing on a Friday evening, or an impromptu snacks and soft drinks party. If nothing else, keep an hour aside after lunch and play some really silly games that everybody will love participating in. People naturally gravitate towards bonding activities, and they will appreciate you for bringing a much needed stress-buster in the office.

Always take the high road. This is easier said than done, but it has huge long-term implications. If your boss yells at you in front of everyone, don’t argue but don’t be apologetic about his or her bad behaviour. Tell them calmly that you would like to revisit the issue once he or she has calmed down, and not before. This may shame the person into behaving better next time, and they might grudgingly even admit that you handled the situation with poise and maturity. The same applies to fights with colleagues. Sometimes, you may even argue with your best friend at work, but don’t engage in shouting matches and arguments in front of the others; but take it outside in a neutral environment. If somebody sends you a string of nasty or threatening messages or emails, do not respond to them till you are certain you can handle the situation in a mature way. Think twice before reporting somebody to the management – remember that obnoxious behaviour is sometimes just a cry for attention and can be swiftly tackled with understanding and firmness.

(Picture courtesy www.pamper.co.in. Image is used for representational purpose only)

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