Month: August 2015

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How my son changed after marriage

…but for the better. A senior citizen recalls how her daughter-in-law easily found the missing part of her life’s puzzle.
by Rohini Durve

Everybody says that our children change after marriage. I agree. They learn responsibility, they manage their finances and they have to take care of their spouse. It is a challenging phase for any newly married person.

But far more challenging is the question of how to reconcile one’s previous life to the changed circumstances. The first issue is of helping to forge a harmonious relationship between one’s mother and one’s wife. This relationship is often a fragile one, because it is based on a constant power struggle between two women. However, it is possible to have a good relationship with one’s daughter-in-law as well.

I am lucky to have an affectionate daughter-in-law, who has never treated me with hostility. The hostile relationship in our house was actually the one my husband and I shared with our son, Dhruv.

Dhruv is a graphic designer who shuttles between many cities in India for his work. I must confess that I have never had an easy relationship with my only son. He has never been close to us, and ever since he was a teenager, he has had a better relationship with his friends than with his own parents. I don’t remember him telling us anything about his life, and when he announced that he wanted to marry Harshada, she was standing right next to him. I have never known what it is like to be friends with one’s child. I take it as my failure that I do not have a close bond with Dhruv.

But he changed after he got married. I think what made him realise that something was amiss in our relationship was an incident that happened two months after his wedding. Harshada was thinking of taking a sabbatical and sitting at home. She discussed this with me at length. When Dhruv saw her talking this over with me, he was puzzled. I later heard him remark to his wife, “Why are you telling mummy all this?”

“Because I want advice,” she replied.

“What does mummy know? She has never worked in her life!” Dhruv said.

“But she is older than us. She understands things better,” Harshada reasoned.

The same day, she took me shopping. We even stopped for coffee at a little cafe, which I had never done before. We got home late that evening, and had brought back two boxes of pizza for dinner. “Let’s not cook today,” Harshada grinned.

Dhruv had already reached home and was furious. “How long have you two been out?” he snapped. “I was hungry. And both your phones were unavailable.”

Now, I would have normally responded with an apology. But Harshada said, “If you were hungry, you should have gone to the kitchen and had a snack. Papa always has some farsan when he is hungry. He doesn’t shout for mummy to feed him. Are you special or something?”

I stared at her in awe. And at that moment both Dhruv and I realised one fact – I had always run around slaving for Dhruv. He had come to expect it from me; the moment he demanded something, I ran to help him. It was unthinkable for him to make even a cup of tea for himself. Harshada continued calmly, “Mummy has worked hard for you all her life. Now she deserves a break. You should not expect her to run after you from now on.”

Not only has Dhruv become quieter when he asks me for something, he also bought me a sari for my birthday this year. I was shocked: we have never exchanged presents at our house. I am sure it was Harshada’s idea. Last month, all of us went out for a movie and dinner. It was very awkward, because we hardly had anything to say to Dhruv. But we are opening up more and more, and I have Harshada to thank for it. She helped him realise how important it is to spend time with his parents. What I could not teach him, Harshada did.

I feel that I got a daughter in Harshada. She helped me meet my son.

‘Grey Space’ is a weekly column on senior citizen issues. If you have an anecdote or leagl information, or anything you feel is useful to senior citizens, caregives and the society at large, feel free to get it published in this space. Write to editor@themetrognome.in or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Themetrognome.in and we will publish your account.

(Picture courtesy www.youthkiawaaz.com. Image used for representational purpose only)

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Deal with it

Let your eyes be part of the 1 million pledge

Campaign to raise awareness about eye donation kicks off all over India; will be held for a year from now.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Vision Sankara Eye Care Hospital has an ambitious plan: it has launched a year-long campaign, ‘Sign4Sight – Year of Million Miracles’, to mark a fortnight observing eye donation from August 25 to September 8. The eye care hospital aims to raise awareness about eye donation through its year-long campaign, and wants 1 million pledges at the end of it.

According to World Health Organisation (WHO), corneal disease is the chief cause for vision loss and blindness. The National Programme for control of Blindness estimates that India has 20% of the global blind population. With about 1,20,000 blind people in the country, the yearly addition of 25,000 to 30,000 cases further tips the scale.

Dr Ashish Bacchav, Vision Sankara says, “In most cases, loss of sight can be corrected by eye donation through a surgical procedure of corneal transplantation. A person can gain vision only when a donor donates a healthy cornea. The corneal transplantation has high success rates of around 95%. Every pledge will give back the boon of eyesight to two individuals.”

Corneal blindness is an affliction due to a damage in the tissue covering the front of the eye, called cornea. The corneas should be removed preferably within an hour of death, but can be removed up to a maximum of 6 to 8 hours.

Mohammed P, a retired serviceman, had his zest for life replenished after his vision was restored post his corneal transplant surgery at the Sankara hospital in Coimbatore. He said, “I have nothing but blessings in my heart for the soul that has given me a second lease on life. As a serviceman I have always been very self reliant and optimistic, with my eyesight restored I can now begin to enjoy playing with my grandchildren and revel in the beauty that life has to offer.”

(Picture courtesy www.zeenews.com)

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Guest writer

Why ‘Straight Outta Compton’ fails women

This successful film does not address hip hop musician Dr Dre’s dark past and his history of violence towards women.
by Beverley Lewis

Straight Outta Compton fails women at a time when 1 in 3 women across the globe face violence in their lifetime.

You don’t have to be a hip-hop aficionado to have watched or at least heard about Straight outta Compton, the film taking the world by storm. This box office winner tells the story about the struggle, rise and disbanding of the Los Angeles-based rap group N.W.A and its significance on popular culture, while paying homage to the spoils of ghetto life, coercion of women into prostitution, and gang rape.

But, one thing this film failed to do was tell the story of Dr. Dre’s history of violence against women. In almost all his tracks, he refers to women as “bitches”. Incidentally, Dre and Ice Cube are producers of the film. This omission sparked some outrage as to why Dre deliberately chose to leave out this big a chunk of his history.

Even since he made it big as a solo artist, Dre has been associated with the glamour and bling surrounding hip-hop, especially when statistics show that violent crimes against women are on the rise. After all, he did discover Eminem and went on to create Beats Electronics, which he then sold to Apple for a cool $3 billion. But, despite becoming a well-known producer and entrepreneur, he has been haunted by his shady past, particularly the brutal beating of rapper and TV host Dee Barnes at a record release party in 1991. “It ain’t no big thing – I just threw her through a door,” Dre said at the time of the incident. Yes, and he still continued to get rave reviews for his work and we went out and bought his records.

He was also violent towards his girlfriend, rapper Michel’le, who alleged that she needed plastic surgery after she was badly beaten by him.

Every year in India and around the world, thousands of women are raped, stabbed, shot, stalked, murdered and are victims of domestic violence, in crimes that are sometimes never even reported. And yet, we chose to ignore the violence and misogynist views associated with this particular genre of music and instead choose to only focus on the glitz and glamour surrounding hip-hop.

 

Music is a crucial factor of any culture and personally I could never live without it. We are constantly surrounded by music in our homes, cars and on our headphones. But can music really influence our behaviour and actions? Or does it simply provide background beats as we go about our daily lives? What about music with violent lyrics? Hip-hop is one genre, which often portrays women as lesser, submissive beings and if research conducted by the Journal of Applied Social Psychology is to be believed, male listeners are more likely to partake in violence against women after listening to degrading lyrics in rap music.

After the wide success of the movie, it reached the 100 million mark, Dre decided it time he issued an apology to the women he abused, via the New York Times. “I apologise to the women I’ve hurt. I deeply regret what I did and know that it has forever impacted all of our lives.”

If, like me, you’re wondering whether the success of the film prompted the apology or if he feels genuine remorse, well the jury is still out on that one.

(Picture courtesy www.forbes.com)

Categories
Film

Review: Kaun Kitney Paani Mein

An excellent premise – the concept of ‘water wars’ in the near future – is waylaid by lazy, inconsistent storytelling.
by Ravi Shet

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

Kaun Kitney Paani Mein, directed by Nila Madhab Panda, is a satire based on the issue of water scarcity and how the power equation shifts with it. Set in Odisha, the audiences are introduced to two villages – Upri and Bairi – having a history of shared differences and which are separated by a wall.

Upri is a village housing wealthy people, while’s Bairi residents are poor. Most of the latter have been working for the former. However, a massive drought hits the area and this changes the power equation between the two villages. Upri has exhausted its water sources and does not have an alternative, while Bairi has been using its water wisely and also creating storage facilities for it.

 

In Upri, the once well-to-do Braj Singh Deo (Saurabh Shukla), the raja of the village is now penniless, however, he still has a servant who helps him dress and adjust his fake moustache. He wants to sell his drought-affected village, but there are no takers because there is no water there. Meanwhile, Bairi is prospering under aspiring politician Kharu Pahelwan (Gulshan Grover) where the land is fertile and where there is a good supply of water. Braj Singh Deo devises a plan to get hold of the water from Bairi which involves his son Raj (Kunal Kapoor) trapping Paro (Radhika Apte), daughter of Kharu Phelwan, in love.

The first half of the film is a bit boring, but the pace picks up in the second half. With an excellent premise, director Panda injects the story with humour and empathy. The dialogues by Rahul Singh are top notch, as are a few stray scenes, most of which feature Saurabh Shukla, who carries his character very well. Radhika Apte and Gulshan Grover are good, too. This is a one-time watch only, especially for its performances and the wonderfully choreographed ‘Rangapati’.

(Picture courtesy www.ibnlive.com)

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Read

A reader’s paradise in Lower Parel

Trilogy, the library is a much-needed book corner in a bustling city that can find itself through the reading habit.
By Ritika Bhandari Parekh

You are greeted with an abundance of trees, sunlight, books and more books here. From Feynman’s musings to Alexander McCall Smith’s suspense, from everything you wish to know on Ogilvy to a delightful hour with Calvin and Hobbes, Trilogy has something for everyone, age notwithstanding.

The owners of Trilogy

When literary editor Ahalya Naidu and wildlife photographer Meethil Momaya met each other, they shared a dream for a quaint bookstore atop a mountain. They even had a date browsing books at Churchgate’s Sunderbai Hall annual books sale. Undoubtedly, the book lovers united and years later, they are the envy of every reader with their venture, Trilogy. Located in Raghuvanshi Mills at Lower Parel, the space houses a library and a beautiful bookstore.

With books as quintessential birthday gifts, avid reading runs in the family for the duo. The library feels like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory albeit with books. With options galore, it will make a book addict giddy with excitement.

The stepping stone

“It all started some 5 years ago, when we both were looking forward to entering the publishing industry. In the process we found that our core strength lies in talking to readers, finding good books and recommending them,” Ahalya (32) says. “In 2013, we started The Eternal Library (TEL), our library consultancy. It was a great opportunity to use our passion to help corporations and individuals set up their own reading spaces. While we were helping others set their libraries, we always felt a personal need to have a better collection of books.”

Meethil (35) adds, “We realised that quite a few good books did not make it to city bookstores. Also we observed that in-house libraries of MNCs do not get updated regularly. That’s how memberships start to dwindle and reader engagement dips. That’s why libraries don’t work.”

But through TEL, they helped revamp existing libraries to maintain their collection. They would carry out surveys to know audience preferences. “The underlying aim was always to match a book to a reader and a reader to a book. One thing led to another and in Christmas 2014, we had a space called Trilogy, where people could find books they would love,” Ahalya says.

A setup unlike other libraries

Most city libraries have a cafe setup to cover the costs, but the owners of Trilogy believe that their forte is books and not food. “Our main motto for having a reading space was to promote reading. Today when members come to just sit and read, we know the concept is working well. We have seen a shift in the body clock of our readers. They leave behind their hectic work and tune into reading at Trilogy,” they say.

“Also our interiors allow sunlight to enter and fill the room. Our vision of no jam-packed shelves, keeping books in a melange of vertical and horizontal stacks, not housing poorly written books or listing special mentions on post-its make the library interesting.”

The ‘cool’ job of a librarian

Their careers as editor and photographer have taken a back seat since the book business keeps them busy. “Managing the library and bookstore is difficult. Even when we are not at the library, we are in a way eating, sleeping and waking up to it. We do not like to take the day off, as being here is much better than being at home and working on the same thing,” Meethil says. “We are continuously talking books or the library and things related to Trilogy.”

On being surrounded by books for a living Ahalya says, “It is a powerful and transformative feeling. When you connect to a reader, it takes a different dimension altogether. When people come back and appreciate the recommendation, it validates all the difficulties we endure.”

She says, “I feel extremely guilty, if a parent and a child walk in and I’m not part of the conversation. Recommending books which they will like makes everybody happy. We wish we had more hours in the day to read those books. Because if we are supposed to recommend, we need to read, too,” Meethil complains.

The Member Diaries

“When we curate, we try to find the right reader for a book and vice versa. It is always heartening to see kids come and reissue their books as they have found a favourite book. I remember how this girl had written a note and kept it inside a book, as she loved the recommendation. Another girl thought it was a tradition to write a note after reading, and did the same. Also young mothers trying to get back to the habit of reading is appreciable. We also have a member who comes all the way from Kandivali with her kids. Every night she reads one book to the child and posts a Facebook status. Seeing that makes us happy,” Ahalya says.

With plans to expand in other cities like Pune – Trilogy serves as an inspiration to follow one’s passion and make it soar higher. As for the readers in Mumbai, they need to enjoy this wonderful treat offered by two passionate book lovers.

Categories
Wellness

Research centre wants to save children from cancer

Conducting free seminars in 14 Mumbai schools, the DS Research Centre wants to educate children about substance abuse and cancer effects.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Cancer is a dreaded disease and is often caused by many wrong lifestyle choices. In the current times, it has been found that children studying in classes 9 and 10 show an increased inclination for addictives like drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. They may or may not be aware of the consequences, especially that these addictions can lead to many diseases, especially cancer.

The DS Research Centre, Mumbai has launched a ‘Spread It to the Roots’ campaign to educate around 4,000 children from 14 schools across Mumbai about cancer.

Spread It to the Roots majorly speaks about healthy habits and healthy lifestyle. It explains about the challenges that students face in maintaining healthy habits, including the negligence of healthy food and regular eating due to academic pressure. It has been found that students abuse alcohol, tobacco and drugs when they see celebrities indulging in these habits.

“Students are the future of the human race. Increase in cancer incidence due to false habits picked up by students is really sad. Having an awareness programme for them will really prove beneficial for their future,” said one principal of a city school. Schools like St Stanislaus (Bandra), Holy Family (Andheri), Cathedral and John Connon (Fort), Sacred Heart (Santacruz), Anjum-I-Islam (Fort), St Elias (Bandra) and St Michael (Mahim) etc. are among 14 schools where the seminars are to be held.

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